How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
