I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
