I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
