If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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