i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
