You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
