so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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