wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
