hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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