she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
