there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
