Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
