Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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