brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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