I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
