Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
