3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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