My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
