I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
