just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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