omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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