I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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