I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
