Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
