how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
