after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
