My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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