i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
