who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
