never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
