I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
