Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
