No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
