This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
