Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
