I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
