I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
His hands were made for my vagina.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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