I cannot find my penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
