First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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