If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
