I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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