dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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