its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
