I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
