it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
