I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
