My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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