Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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