Where are you?
In a non slutty way
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
