whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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