Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
